Hello & Welcome to my new blog! Please make yourself at home while you're reading it. Take off your shoes, loosen your pants, make those funny at home faces that we all do, be comfortable! On the other hand, if you're reading this in a more public place, a plane, a train, in a jury's box during a trial, it might serve you better to be a little less comfortable. But wherever you reading this blog, please remember to turn off your cellphones and taking of flash photographs is strictly forbidden!
Now, you may want to know why I'm creating this blog. Well, there are a number of very good reasons, most of which I forgot the moment I sat down to write. 1 thing that you should know should you get tired of reading blogs and you decide to write one on your own, I would suggest doing this only, and I mean ONLY... after you finish this blog! Writing a blog is hard work, you can't just sit there staring at the computer screen and wait for words to magically appear. Believe me! I tried doing that for 5 months and I didn't get a single word.
Suddenly, all this talking of writing a blog is making me feel overwhelmed. I need to take a break, excuse me... okay, I'm back. I went to brush my teeth, just 3 of them. I never do all at once. That by the way is an Excellent way to pass the time. Hygiene is important anyway as we all know, so TAKE YOUR TIME and brush. Then floss, flossing is key, you must floss. Don't even think for a second that you can get away with not flossing. Always floss! I can't stress it enough! If you get nothing else from this blog, I hope you not only think to yourself "I must floss!", but pass it along to love ones and acquaintances. Floss Floss Floss !
Now, what was I saying? Oh yes, why a blog? Seriously, why? There's so many blogs already, what could I possibly have to say that needs to be read by millions or at least hundreds of people. Perhaps you're reading this to get never before insights into who I am as a person. If so, here's a good one for you, right off the bat. If anyone knows me at all, they know I enjoy the smell of a freshly washed monkey. Or perhaps you're hoping to learn a thing or 2. I have no brand new words to put out there, unless you count fuselard, which between you and me is a made up word. No insights on the meaning of life or even how to be content most of the time. I've been interested in the deeper meaning of this existence for a long time, I assume we all are, judging by the hopping of blogs to help us find the answers, but I haven't found one that says anything very different. They all sort of say the same thing. I suppose I can put down my own ideas of what I think could as least be a good start to happiness if you're interested. Well, you are?! Okay then.
1) Be nice to everyone, even though you don't want to and you may not like them. Be kind, friendly, respectful, even if they're not nice to you. That way you're not dragged down to their level. Also, there's nothing more that annoys arrogant jerks more than more than people being nice to them. 2) Floss! Everyday floss! As discussed in addition to afore mentioned perks, it encourages healthy gums and makes your teeth feel secure when you're eating something difficult like apples or corn on a cob. 3) Try to have some quiet time everyday. I know its hard, don't tell me. Its getting to be near impossible to find silence with the TV, radio, kids, leaf blowers, helicopters, traffic, birds, dog's barking, your parents yelling from the front of the car, "Stop flossing! You're going to get us all killed!". But try to put time aside to listen to YOU. Its easy to forget what YOU want, who YOU are with all the noise. Check in with YOU everyday, or at least on New Year's Eve. 4) Exercise! Any form of movement will do. Stretching keeps you limber, young and energised! My favourite exercise is walking a block and a half to buy fudge, then I call a cab to get back home. There's never a need to overdo anything! 5) Drink lots of water. I can't function unless I drink alot of water. My favourite way to drink water is to put it in a tray, make ice cubes, then put 1 of those cubes into a big old glass of coke, let's have some now shall we? I thought of having this blog written in entirely capital letters, so as a narrator, it would seem like I'm SHOUTING ThE WHOLE TIME! I LIKE THE IDEA OF ME SHOOTING IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HEADS! IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL! Back to the happiness list. 6) Know you are Special! How do you know that? Because you're reading this blog. You're already 2 steps ahead of those losers who didn't read this blog. Look, they aren't special, when they finally do decide to read this blog, then they too will be special because they have choosen this blog but you will still be 2 or 3 or even more steps ahead! But know when you read this blog, you're ahead! Imagine being the last person to read this blog. I pray that doesn't happen to anyone. If word keeps spreading about the magical powers of this blog, the joy its gives, the wonders, the life of farming, the life changing results it gives, then that would make me happy!
Phew! I hope you enjoy reading this blog as much as I enjoy writing it, but before I say Goodnight, let me... Oh, excuse me, that's the phone, let me get it in case its important, so I'm going to put you on hold now... okay! I'm back! That's my friend, apparently he wants more posts in this blog. He wants it with more than 1 post. Suddenly I'm not so happy anymore. I better re-read this chapter and if I have the chance, floss.
